Mothering, Identity and Putting Our Family First

My family loves one another, for love is from God; He who loves is begotten of God and is coming to know and understand God. 1 John 4:7

I used to think that I wanted to do something big for God. I kept telling Him that I would do anything, and with that, I expected that He would ask me to do something crazy hard like sell all my stuff and move to Africa to become a missionary. For many years I thought that to do something big for God meant that I would work at a church or start up a non-profit or a ministry of some sort, or preach the gospel to the masses. I wasn’t quite sure what it was that He’d want me to do but I was sure it had to be something grandiose. A lavish way to say thank you to Him for all that He has already done for me. It would be something that I could be proud of.

But the thing is, giving your life to Jesus doesn’t always mean that He will ask you to do hard things. Yes, sometimes it does. But His plan for you and me can be trusted. It is far better than anything we could ever dream up on our own. And He genuinely wants and knows whats best for us.

For me, his plan has been much more simple and a lot less glamorous than having some big ministry. His plan for me has been to simply be- a mother.

Although, to be a mother isn’t as simple as it sounds. It comes with a roller-coaster of emotions. It has it’s definite ups and downs. For some women, to be a mother is a dream come true; it’s all they ever wanted. Their dream was to get married and have kids and nothing more. Motherhood is rewarding and fulfilling to them in and of itself. And there is nothing wrong with that.

But for me, to stay home has been riddled with sacrifice. Yes, I always wanted to be a wife and mother. But I also wanted to do other things: like go to the mission field, help women trapped in sex slavery be set free, preach the gospel and serve the church. For me, to stay home never felt like I was doing enough. It’s like I was in a tug-of-war game with my ambition to do great things on one side and my simple life, staying home raising kids on the other side and when it comes right down to it, my kids have always won.

And I’m glad that they’ve won. They always have, and they always will.

Here’s why…

Mothering matters. And mothering is ministry. It may not be what I thought of as a ministry but it is something that is very close to the heart of God.

What I’ve come to realize is, that I don’t have to do anything big for God. If He asks me to, I’m ready and willing. I may want to at times but I am learning to let that need go.

I’m learning that my walk with God has less to do with what I am doing and more to do with what He has already done for me.

And there is beauty and power in the simplicity of putting our family first. We moms are training little people who will one day run the world. We have influence on them, we are leading them, teaching them, shaping the way they think and view life. Our generation is here for but a moment and before we know it the time will come when we will pass the baton to our kids. And we can significantly underestimate the power that we parents have over them and their well-being.

When I think about motherhood I think of my mom. She may not have done anything big with her life. She never worked outside the home, didn’t go to college. She led a simple life. But she was faithful to my dad and us kids. She stayed home with us and made sure every single one of our needs were met. She put herself last. She was a natural mother. Mothering was intuitive to her. She was home every day when I got home from school. We had stability and routine. We were nurtured and loved. We were read to and prayed for. She baked cookies and cooked dinner. She made our house a home. She put my hair in pigtails and then in braids and twisted them around to make buns because I wanted to look like princess Leia. She volunteered in my class when she could. She was always on my side.

It may not sound like much to the rest of the world, but it meant everything to me and still does.

My mom was a really good mom.

And because of her example, I now can be a good mom to my kids. Because I was loved well I can give love away freely.

It’s the gospel lived out. I love because He first loved me. We can’t give away what we don’t have. To be loved is to give love.

We moms are making a difference in the world. It may not look like much to the masses. But to the ones we raise, it means everything.

And one day your kids will grow up and change the world for their children too. All because of the example that you showed them.

We are creating a legacy that is more powerful than we even realize. And we don’t give ourselves enough credit for it.

I no longer need a position or title to feel a sense of worth or accomplishment. I don’t need to start something big or get a bunch of degrees or do anything else to earn Gods love or the love of anybody else.

I’m just me and I’m okay with that. I’m not going to try to change the world. But I am going to try to change my children’s world. To make their world safe, happy, healthy and filled with love. Because I know, that if we moms change our children’s world, collectively together we are raising a generation that will make the world a better, stronger, healthier place to live. And were doing it, one family at a time.

 

 

 

Stop Seeking Approval from People

But when he who had set me apart before I was born, and who called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son to me, in order that I might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately consult with anyone; nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me, but I went away into Arabia, and returned again to Damascus. Galatians 1:15-17

Has God given you a dream, vision or calling? If so, don’t be surprised if people you know don’t encourage you to pursue it. The Bible said that a prophet will not be accepted in His home town. Even Jesus himself wasn’t accepted in His home town. His hometown was the only place He couldn’t perform miracles due to their lack of belief. They were blind to His gifts and deity because they were familiar with Him.

Often times, it’s the people who are most familiar with us that can be the most critical and discouraging towards our calling and dreams. They tend to see us for what we were instead of who we are, and who we’re becoming.

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

The people who don’t believe in you have seen you grow, mature, blossom and change. And they’ve also seen you fail, stumble and lose more times than you’ve won.

Some people won’t believe in you and your dream and that’s okay.

Their opinion doesn’t matter. Don’t spend one more second worrying about the approval or opinions of people.

If God has called you to a job or task that’s all you need to focus on- pleasing Him.

It’s human nature for people to hold our faults against us but thank God, He doesn’t. He is constantly making us new. And the beautiful thing is, He sees our potential before we see it. We are a work in progress. We see ourselves as we are but He sees us as we could be.

I believe that He sees something special inside of you and He wants to draw it out of you and make it shine.

So do that thing, that thing that keeps you up late at night dreaming. Stop worrying about what people will think. Don’t let fear hold you back anymore.

If God has called you to lead then lead. If he’s called you to teach then teach. Whatever dream He has deposited deep down inside of you, get to work doing it. Fan that flame, stir up that gift and stop dragging your feet.

If there are no opportunities, create some. If nobody will give you a chance, maybe God is calling you to start your own venture. Stop making excuses and do what God is calling you to do. Make a plan and take steps in that direction.

Can you imagine if Jesus or the apostle Paul had waited for the approval of the religious leaders to start their ministry? The time would have never come!

The religious leaders had plenty of negative things to say about Jesus.

“Isn’t that Josephs son?”

“We know his family, where he comes from. He and his dad are just carpenters. Not schooled in the things of God.”

“Who does this Jesus think He is?”

Sizing Him up, believing that he had no business preaching, teaching, baptizing or healing. The pharisees thought he was an unqualified nobody, a nothing. But Jesus didn’t let their opinion of Him hold Him back. Jesus was on a mission. Focused and determined. He knew that he had come to set the captives free. To show people who God really is, up close and in person.

He knew what his mission here on earth was and He was focused on completing His task; in spite of what other people thought.

Then we have the apostle Paul.

Paul was at one time, a Jewish leader that fiercely pursued and murdered Christians in the name of religion. Until one day, everything changed. The day that God got a hold of Paul when he was traveling down Damascus road (Acts chapter 9). Paul experienced a dramatic conversion. A bright light and a booming voice coming straight from heaven revealing Jesus as Lord. Then God did the unthinkable, He called Paul to be a messenger to the gentiles; the very people he had been persecuting.

Can you imagine if Paul went around asking Christians and the apostles what they thought about his conversion and his calling? Nobody would have believed that God had called Him to preach and plant churches. Nobody would have thought that he was qualified to be a messenger of the gospel. And on his own, he wasn’t.

But with the Holy Spirit, all things are possible.  The Holy Spirit is the great qualifier and equipper of those that He calls.

If God has called you to do something, you don’t need to go around asking for peoples approval, permission or opinion on the matter. If you know God has given you an assignment don’t let the opinion of people hold you back. Live for an audience of one. Stay focused on your God ordained task and do the work he has given you with all of your heart.

Margin: Making Room for Me

I keep my heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

I was so tired. It was early still, only 9:30 pm. I had just tucked the kids in bed. Usually that’s when I’d go downstairs and read or watch something until 11:00 or so, but that particular night I was simply exhausted. So, I decided to go to bed early. The only problem was that once my head hit the pillow, instead of falling asleep, I almost instantly felt my chest tighten with anxiety. There was a heaviness I felt that was almost oppressive. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why at first. It’s almost as if I had been feeling that way all day but I didn’t allow myself to acknowledge it until I finally got quiet and still.

It seems to happen that way to me; when I get quiet is when I notice the feelings and emotions that I subconsciously try to suppress. It’s at that time when my body speaks to me and communicates what I’m trying to ignore mentally.

I was tense so I started to reflect and pray that God would show me what was the root of the problem, and a few thoughts came to mind.

One was that I had recently celebrated my thirty-fifth birthday and instead of being excited over a day filled with fun, I spent the day dwelling on the fact that I have less time left on earth to accomplish my goals. I became even more aware of how quickly life was flashing before my eyes on that day. Another year down. Don’t get me wrong, 34 was good to me. A big year for our family; we adopted three girls my thirty-fourth year of life, three sisters. It’s a year that I will never forget. But boy, did it go fast! I used to think that only old people said that time went fast. I didn’t understand what they meant until now.  Lately, it seems as if time is slipping through my fingers like sand through an hourglass. It was getting away from me and I wanted to chase after it; catch it and bottle it up, but I couldn’t. It was like a river that had swept me up in it’s current, pushing me forward with no way to stop.

My mind was focusing on the negative instead of the positive, which is a never a good thing.

I have work to do, I thought. Work that I feel a deep desire to accomplish, but I wasn’t getting anything done because taking care of my family and home is all consuming. My mom job is never, ever over. The amount of work it takes to keep my home running smoothly is actually overwhelming to me at times. There is rarely a moment where I feel I can rest because I am drowning in piles of laundry, dishes, and dust bunnies.

When I try to do something that I enjoy, something that breathes life into my soul, I am quickly interrupted. So I end up feeling frustrated, and stifled by an endless list of to-dos.

For me, anxiety and worry creep in when I’m not managing my schedule well. If I don’t prioritize the things that are important to me, I get stressed. And it’s crucial for us to set boundaries and live a life with intention to be emotionally healthy.

Our schedule is sacred. Boundaries are critical. Our schedule is a reflection of what is most important to us. Maybe you need to put yourself on the schedule. As parents, we often put ourselves on the back-burner and then we wonder why we’re worn out and anxious.

What fills you up and brings you joy? What makes you feel alive? Whatever that is, put it on your calendar. Make room for you. If you don’t know what you enjoy, find out, create, explore, get out of your comfort zone, try something new. You are worth it! And your family will get the best version of you when you take care of yourself. You will become happier which will make them happier. It’s okay to leave things undone once in a while.

It’s important to schedule quality time with God, your spouse, and your kids. Schedule time with friends, time to do what you love–something that makes you feel excitement and breathes life into your soul. Create your schedule based upon goals and what is most important to you. I’ve noticed that when I stick to my schedule, I feel at peace. My life has balance and order. Time management in life and in our schedule protects us mentally and emotionally. And that’s God’s heart for you. John 10:10 says that “the thief comes to steal kill and destroy; but I come so that you may enjoy life and live it to the full.”

My prayer for you is that you will live your life to the full. Enjoy this journey you’re on. Take care of yourself. Seek God and live a life of balance. Make time to do the things that bring you joy. Use your gifts and talents, spend time with loved ones, create, explore, get out of your comfort zone and be at peace. You are worth it!