Mothering, Identity and Putting Our Family First

My family loves one another, for love is from God; He who loves is begotten of God and is coming to know and understand God. 1 John 4:7

I used to think that I wanted to do something big for God. I kept telling Him that I would do anything, and with that, I expected that He would ask me to do something crazy hard like sell all my stuff and move to Africa to become a missionary. For many years I thought that to do something big for God meant that I would work at a church or start up a non-profit or a ministry of some sort, or preach the gospel to the masses. I wasn’t quite sure what it was that He’d want me to do but I was sure it had to be something grandiose. A lavish way to say thank you to Him for all that He has already done for me. It would be something that I could be proud of.

But the thing is, giving your life to Jesus doesn’t always mean that He will ask you to do hard things. Yes, sometimes it does. But His plan for you and me can be trusted. It is far better than anything we could ever dream up on our own. And He genuinely wants and knows whats best for us.

For me, his plan has been much more simple and a lot less glamorous than having some big ministry. His plan for me has been to simply be- a mother.

Although, to be a mother isn’t as simple as it sounds. It comes with a roller-coaster of emotions. It has it’s definite ups and downs. For some women, to be a mother is a dream come true; it’s all they ever wanted. Their dream was to get married and have kids and nothing more. Motherhood is rewarding and fulfilling to them in and of itself. And there is nothing wrong with that.

But for me, to stay home has been riddled with sacrifice. Yes, I always wanted to be a wife and mother. But I also wanted to do other things: like go to the mission field, help women trapped in sex slavery be set free, preach the gospel and serve the church. For me, to stay home never felt like I was doing enough. It’s like I was in a tug-of-war game with my ambition to do great things on one side and my simple life, staying home raising kids on the other side and when it comes right down to it, my kids have always won.

And I’m glad that they’ve won. They always have, and they always will.

Here’s why…

Mothering matters. And mothering is ministry. It may not be what I thought of as a ministry but it is something that is very close to the heart of God.

What I’ve come to realize is, that I don’t have to do anything big for God. If He asks me to, I’m ready and willing. I may want to at times but I am learning to let that need go.

I’m learning that my walk with God has less to do with what I am doing and more to do with what He has already done for me.

And there is beauty and power in the simplicity of putting our family first. We moms are training little people who will one day run the world. We have influence on them, we are leading them, teaching them, shaping the way they think and view life. Our generation is here for but a moment and before we know it the time will come when we will pass the baton to our kids. And we can significantly underestimate the power that we parents have over them and their well-being.

When I think about motherhood I think of my mom. She may not have done anything big with her life. She never worked outside the home, didn’t go to college. She led a simple life. But she was faithful to my dad and us kids. She stayed home with us and made sure every single one of our needs were met. She put herself last. She was a natural mother. Mothering was intuitive to her. She was home every day when I got home from school. We had stability and routine. We were nurtured and loved. We were read to and prayed for. She baked cookies and cooked dinner. She made our house a home. She put my hair in pigtails and then in braids and twisted them around to make buns because I wanted to look like princess Leia. She volunteered in my class when she could. She was always on my side.

It may not sound like much to the rest of the world, but it meant everything to me and still does.

My mom was a really good mom.

And because of her example, I now can be a good mom to my kids. Because I was loved well I can give love away freely.

It’s the gospel lived out. I love because He first loved me. We can’t give away what we don’t have. To be loved is to give love.

We moms are making a difference in the world. It may not look like much to the masses. But to the ones we raise, it means everything.

And one day your kids will grow up and change the world for their children too. All because of the example that you showed them.

We are creating a legacy that is more powerful than we even realize. And we don’t give ourselves enough credit for it.

I no longer need a position or title to feel a sense of worth or accomplishment. I don’t need to start something big or get a bunch of degrees or do anything else to earn Gods love or the love of anybody else.

I’m just me and I’m okay with that. I’m not going to try to change the world. But I am going to try to change my children’s world. To make their world safe, happy, healthy and filled with love. Because I know, that if we moms change our children’s world, collectively together we are raising a generation that will make the world a better, stronger, healthier place to live. And were doing it, one family at a time.

 

 

 

Stop Seeking Approval from People

But when he who had set me apart before I was born, and who called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son to me, in order that I might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately consult with anyone; nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me, but I went away into Arabia, and returned again to Damascus. Galatians 1:15-17

Has God given you a dream, vision or calling? If so, don’t be surprised if people you know don’t encourage you to pursue it. The Bible said that a prophet will not be accepted in His home town. Even Jesus himself wasn’t accepted in His home town. His hometown was the only place He couldn’t perform miracles due to their lack of belief. They were blind to His gifts and deity because they were familiar with Him.

Often times, it’s the people who are most familiar with us that can be the most critical and discouraging towards our calling and dreams. They tend to see us for what we were instead of who we are, and who we’re becoming.

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

The people who don’t believe in you have seen you grow, mature, blossom and change. And they’ve also seen you fail, stumble and lose more times than you’ve won.

Some people won’t believe in you and your dream and that’s okay.

Their opinion doesn’t matter. Don’t spend one more second worrying about the approval or opinions of people.

If God has called you to a job or task that’s all you need to focus on- pleasing Him.

It’s human nature for people to hold our faults against us but thank God, He doesn’t. He is constantly making us new. And the beautiful thing is, He sees our potential before we see it. We are a work in progress. We see ourselves as we are but He sees us as we could be.

I believe that He sees something special inside of you and He wants to draw it out of you and make it shine.

So do that thing, that thing that keeps you up late at night dreaming. Stop worrying about what people will think. Don’t let fear hold you back anymore.

If God has called you to lead then lead. If he’s called you to teach then teach. Whatever dream He has deposited deep down inside of you, get to work doing it. Fan that flame, stir up that gift and stop dragging your feet.

If there are no opportunities, create some. If nobody will give you a chance, maybe God is calling you to start your own venture. Stop making excuses and do what God is calling you to do. Make a plan and take steps in that direction.

Can you imagine if Jesus or the apostle Paul had waited for the approval of the religious leaders to start their ministry? The time would have never come!

The religious leaders had plenty of negative things to say about Jesus.

“Isn’t that Josephs son?”

“We know his family, where he comes from. He and his dad are just carpenters. Not schooled in the things of God.”

“Who does this Jesus think He is?”

Sizing Him up, believing that he had no business preaching, teaching, baptizing or healing. The pharisees thought he was an unqualified nobody, a nothing. But Jesus didn’t let their opinion of Him hold Him back. Jesus was on a mission. Focused and determined. He knew that he had come to set the captives free. To show people who God really is, up close and in person.

He knew what his mission here on earth was and He was focused on completing His task; in spite of what other people thought.

Then we have the apostle Paul.

Paul was at one time, a Jewish leader that fiercely pursued and murdered Christians in the name of religion. Until one day, everything changed. The day that God got a hold of Paul when he was traveling down Damascus road (Acts chapter 9). Paul experienced a dramatic conversion. A bright light and a booming voice coming straight from heaven revealing Jesus as Lord. Then God did the unthinkable, He called Paul to be a messenger to the gentiles; the very people he had been persecuting.

Can you imagine if Paul went around asking Christians and the apostles what they thought about his conversion and his calling? Nobody would have believed that God had called Him to preach and plant churches. Nobody would have thought that he was qualified to be a messenger of the gospel. And on his own, he wasn’t.

But with the Holy Spirit, all things are possible.  The Holy Spirit is the great qualifier and equipper of those that He calls.

If God has called you to do something, you don’t need to go around asking for peoples approval, permission or opinion on the matter. If you know God has given you an assignment don’t let the opinion of people hold you back. Live for an audience of one. Stay focused on your God ordained task and do the work he has given you with all of your heart.

Our Adoption Story Part 1: Desire

It’s funny how God works. Even as a little girl I remember saying that I wanted to adopt children. I didn’t know any families who had adopted but I thought, “why would I have my own kids when there are so many children out there who need a home?” I was just a little girl, I didn’t know anything. But I never forgot what I said and I meant it with all of my heart. It’s as if even as babes God deposits in us a little spark or desire that is from him. And as we travel through life little by little he blows on that spark until it becomes a flame.  And the flame is that desire that is so strong that it compels us to take action. His word says that we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them- Ephesians 2:10.

Time went on. I got married. My husband and I got pregnant two months after we were wed. And I was sick as a dog. I mean, I felt like I had the worst flu of my life for the entire pregnancy. Finally, after getting pregnant with our third child I knew I never wanted to be pregnant again. There was no way that I could take care of my three little ones through another pregnancy. It was shortly after that when I was reading the Bible and James 1:27 jumped off the page at me. It said “true religion in the heart of God is caring for orphans and widows in their distress.” And at that moment I knew, God was asking me to care for orphans.

Mama: The Unsung Hero

Train the young women to love their husbands and children. To be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God might not be reviled. Titus 2:4-5

We all want it, to be important, to matter. To feel like we are making a difference in the world. Or at least I did…

I wanted to feel significant. I wanted my one and only life to count for something. This fact became glaringly obvious to me the day that my kids had to enter a writing contest in honor of Martin Luther King Day for school. The assignment was for them to write about someone who is a “Servant Leader.” All of my kids chose to write about the same person, their dad. Of course they did, my husband is amazing! He was the obvious choice. He has a cool job. He has a way more interesting life than me. He works in law enforcement and gets to do exciting things- like go on stakeouts and put bad guys in jail. Truth be told, I’m jealous of his job.

Me, I’m just a stay-at-home mom. When my husband and I meet new people and I tell them what “I do” with my time you can see their eyes almost instantly glaze over with boredom while moving on to ask my husband what he does. As he tells them what his position is, their faces light up with interest, tell me more! “I bet you’ve got some good stories!” My husband is instantly the cool kid in the room while I fade into the background becoming little more than his shadow.

Moms, we can feel like that sometimes; like the people in the background on the stage of life. The unsung hero. The un-noticed one. We’re the unseen. Working hard at helping everyone else succeed.

But the truth is that God sees you. Every selfless act. Every time you laid down what you wanted to do so that the other person could get what they wanted. Letting any selfish ambition fall to the wayside. Every sleepless night and ho-hum day. You keep going. You stay faithful to the call of motherhood. Waking every morning and caring for your family. Choosing to be expectant and thankful for the gift of children to raise. Because in the grand scheme of things, titles and prestige really don’t matter. God and people are what matters. Relationships matter. And if you’re a mom, you get to pour your life into the very things that are close to God’s heart- people, family, children, the next generation. My family has been entrusted to me to care for. That is an honor and gift. Your family has been entrusted to you. Raising them is one of our God-given assignments. Embrace it.

We are raising the next generation and our job may not be glamorous or impressive, but it matters. You were chosen to be the mother of your kids so do it with all of your heart.

Let’s not allow discontentment or the need for significance rob us of today. Enjoy this season. Make the most of it because soon it will pass. You’ll have time to chase your dreams one day but this day lets celebrate motherhood. Lets make memories, have fun and go on adventures with our young ones.

Your time will come, mama. But right now it’s their time. Our children’s time to grow and learn. To be nurtured and loved. They need us. They need you. To kiss their owies and build their confidence. To read them bedtime stories and say prayers.

You can do this mama. For the sake of our children and the sake of our future. You can be the unsung hero.

 

 

 

Stop Praying For Open Doors

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

I knew what it was that God wanted me to do, or at least I thought I did. I felt a longing, a nudge. It was almost like a nagging feeling that I should be doing this one particular thing.

What I felt Him calling me to do was exciting but intimidating at the same time. That’s usually the way it is when God calls you to do something. It feels big and scary. The odd thing about it is, you will be more at peace when you are doing that big and scary thing than you will be not doing it.

When you do what God created you to do, you experience peace that passes understanding. We fight against it because often times what we were created to do feels border-line impossible to achieve.

When you feed the dream that God has given you, you feel settled but if you ignore the dream you feel anxious, restless even. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I had no clue how to get started. Eventually, I spent so  much time thinking about what I should be doing instead of doing it, I became paralyzed. I had a restlessness in my soul all because I refused to feed the dream. If you starve the dream for too long, eventually it will die.

I dragged my feet and prayed for so much confirmation, it’s almost embarrassing to admit. I started to pursue other endevours, jobs and roles that seemed easier and more acceptable. I offered God part-time obedience and expected full-time blessing.

I was willing to settle for less than God’s best. All because I didn’t want to take risks or put in the hard work it would take to achieve the God-sized dream. I’d pray for open doors and opportunities for play-it-safe kinds of roles. But along the way I’d say, “if it’s not your will Lord, then please make it clear. Slam the door in my face. Make it obvious to me. Make my path straight”. When God slammed the door in my face, the door to my easy way out, I was hurt, embarrassed and offended. I’d cry and sulk, thinking, ‘how could you do this to me Jesus?’ When all God did was give me exactly what I’d been praying for: direction and clarity of my calling. The truth was I wanted clarity in a less painful way. I wanted clarity through open doors instead of closed ones.

God speaks just as much through closed doors as He does through open doors.

God closes more doors than He opens. It’s one of the ways He keeps our path straight.

Shut doors bring clarity and direction. They make what you should be doing rise to the surface and the things that are wasting your time and energy sink to the bottom.

The truth is, a God-sized dream will be way to big to ever achieve with out Him.  It will require His help and miracles along the way. It will require His provision, divine connections and providence to make it come true. He has an appointed time for the dream to take place. If we are obedient and start taking steps in the right direction, He will be faithful to lead us along the way. He will delight in seeing your excitement as you watch the dream unfold with each step you take.

 

 

 

 

 

Are You Feeling Forgotten by God?

Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and in due season He will exalt you. 1 Peter 5:6

I was sitting on my couch trying to have some time spent with Jesus, but I was distracted. This particular morning I wasn’t feeling thankful or filled with any expectant hope. I know that I do have SO much to be thankful for and felt guilty for even feeling that way on top of it! I have plenty to look forward to, but for some reason this particular day I was wondering if my best days were behind me. I was trying not to give in to a full blown pity party. I was thinking of all the times I had missed opportunities or had been passed up for someone else. I was feeling old. My back hurt. And to top things off, I’ve had a pinched nerve in my lower back for months. I had a horrible cold. It hurt to move. I was feeling fat, very fat! You know, when you don’t feel well physically, you often start not feeling well mentally.

But after I took a moment and dug a little deeper, I realized I had been feeling that way for a long time.  Just kind of down.  It was starting to impact my outlook on life. My hopes and dreams were starting to fade away like a distant horizon I would never see come to pass. It felt like every time I turned around someone was getting a promotion or opportunities to live out their dreams. They seemed happy, living in the promised land of abundance with a perfect marriage, amazing health, plenty of money, and high esteem from the community. I was seeing their highlight reel on Facebook and believing that their life was perfect and that they were God’s favorite while I was his forgotten child or the one who was not good enough to be used by Him. I felt that I had offered my life for His service and He said “no thank you.”

But I know the truth is that my emotions will lie to me every time and the devil would love nothing more than for me to give into discouragement and despair and believe the lies that my emotions serve me on a silver platter.

The truth is, just because someone else is having success doesn’t mean that I can’t have success too.

Just because it doesn’t look like God is working doesn’t mean that He isn’t working. He is preparing you even when it doesn’t feel like it. If you are suffering, if you are in some sort of emotional pain then chances are you are growing. And pain accompanied with purpose is a powerful thing.

God has not forgotten you.

Just remember all the great men who were given a God-sized dream or promise and held on when they had absolutely no reason in the natural realm to believe it would come to fruition. Abraham and Sarah were told they’d have a child when they were well past the child-bearing age, Joseph was shown he’d have a position of great power and high esteem but ended up as a slave and falsely accused and imprisoned. Moses was called to deliver the Jews from slavery, but ended up being a lowly Shepard for forty years first. David was anointed king twenty years before it ever came to fruition and had to live his life on the run and hide in caves because the current king was so jealous of him.

Even after all the time that these men spent waiting, God never forgot them. He knew exactly where they were when the appointed time came.

So today, lets choose to enjoy life now and be fully present with our loved ones. Lets make the most of each day and not wait for our dreams to come true to be happy. Lets be happy while we wait.

 

 

 

Finding Fulfillment

“There is nothing better for a man than that he should eat and drink and make himself enjoy good in his labor. Even this I have seen is from the hand of God.” Ecclesiastes 2:24

I used to manage a coffee shop. There were things that I  genuinely enjoyed about it-the hustle and bustle of busy morning rushes. Making a quality drink for someone to enjoy, chit-chatting with the regulars that came in, and working with a fun team of people. There was a comradery that I still think about and miss from time-to-time. But there was so much more that I didn’t love about the job than what I did. I found myself complaining at home about it a lot and wishing I didn’t have to work at all. I felt restless inside and longed to stay home with my kids. I wanted to write and communicate God’s truth to others, bringing hope and encouragement. I’d tell myself I could do it all. I can work my job, be there for my husband and six kids, AND work on my dream of communicating God’s word to the world. But as each day went by I never could seem to find time to work on my writing, which is what I really longed to do. So I continued on, dissatisfied with my days work and longed for something more.

Until finally I came to the realization that I could not do it all. I had to make a decision, because if I didn’t, I feared that I would eventually be an old woman sitting on my death bed full of regrets. Just wishing that I had chased my dream. Was I going to continue to work and be discontent because I was afraid of the sacrifice that I’d have to make in order to chase a dream?

After taking the time to really press in to God and seek His counsel, I felt it was time to let the coffee shop go. And can I just tell you, I have never regretted it. I have not for one day wished that I kept that job. Just the opposite happened, I have never loved life more than I do in this moment.

Fulfillment comes when you are obeying God’s will for your life. When you are doing the very thing you know that He has called you to. You will work hard but there is a sense of satisfaction that comes when you give yourself and invest yourself fully into something that you know can make an eternal difference.

Time is a valuable thing.  Once it is spent, it gone forever. So let me encourage you today to take inventory of how you’re spending your time.  If you have peace about what you’re doing, then keep at it! But if you don’t have peace about what you’re doing and you find yourself complaining about it, this could be a big indication that it’s time to lay it down. If it doesn’t help you further God’s calling on your life then its time to get out the pruning shears and take it out of your schedule. If it’s not helping you move closer to the goal, then it needs to go.

 

Use Your Talents and Doors Will Open

His master said to him, well done, you upright and faithful servant! You have been faithful and trustworthy over a little; I will put you in charge of much. Enter into and share the joy which your master enjoys- Matthew 25:21

Have you ever wondered if what you have to offer is enough? If your gifts and talents are of any value to anybody at all? Maybe, like me, you don’t feel all that talented. Even if you feel less than, I promise you that you do in fact have talents and abilities. God created each and every person full of potential and you are here on earth for a reason. You matter!

When I look at the parable of the Talents found in Matthew 25,  it encourages me that even though I may not feel like I have much to offer and am scared to risk offering what I do have, God can take what I give Him and multiply it to use for the good of others and for His glory.

The parable in Matthew 25:14-35 is about a master who leaves talents (money) to his servants while he is away. He expects his servants to invest the talents so that the master will get a return on his money. The master gives one man five talents and that man invested them and made five more talents, doubling what his master had given him. He gives another man two talents, that man also invested and gained two additional talents, doubling his money as well. But the last man was only given one talent and he was afraid of losing it so he buried the talent in the ground thinking it would be better to keep it safe than to invest it and loose it all.

So often we can do the very same thing with our gifts and talents. We become paralyzed by fear. What will people think? What if I’m not good enough? What if I make a fool of myself? What if I fail? So we hide our talents away for nobody to see or enjoy. If you don’t use what you have, you are guaranteed to receive nothing in return. If you do use your talents, you will most definitely gain more. I don’t know about you, but I would rather do my best to work with what I’ve got than never try at all and be guaranteed to get nothing in return.

If we are faithful to develop the potential that we have, God can take what we offer, no matter how small it may seem, and multiply it in such a way that we get a return on all that we had invested.  When we are faithful with what we do have, God will be faithful to give us what we don’t have. More opportunities, more resources, more talent and more skill. It is our responsibility to steward what we have well and use our abilities to serve others and better society.

My question for you is, are you using the talents that you have? Are you working to develop your potential? Gifts and talents are like a muscle, we need to work at them to develop them. What talent can you give to God as an offering so that the Holy Spirit can take what you have given and multiply it. He will bless you with more when you use what you have.

Your Calling is Irrevocable

But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow do not despair for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day. Habakkuk 2:3

It’s clear that God works through people to accomplish His purposes. But the pathway to living out your calling is more about who you’re becoming than where you’re going and what you’re achieving.

Life can be unpredictable. God rarely takes us straight from point A to point B. The journey to destiny is riddled with crooked paths and zig-zagged motions. We may go around and around the same mountain filled with confusion and delay. We wonder why we haven’t reached our promised land yet.

It may look like nothing’s happening but God is at work even when you feel stagnant.

Fulfilling our God-given assignments don’t usually unfold quickly and promises are rarely produced without struggle. Our journey as Christ followers is much like that of a caterpillar who transforms in the secret place of a cacoon into a beautiful butterfly and then struggles to break free and fly. Some of you may be in that secret place–hiding at home, doing dishes, caring for family, stuck in the mundane, serving faithfully  behind the scenes. You feel like nothing is happening. But it’s there, in that secret place that God is transforming you. Changing you to be more like that butterfly–more like Jesus. Maybe you feel stuck or forgotten about but beloved, you are neither one. Your day of breakthrough is coming. It may be just around the corner.

Even though it may look like nothing’s happening, something’s happening.

You are in the process of becoming–becoming Christ-like, sacrificial, mature, wise, Godly, bold, strong and courageous.

God knows right where you are and His word says that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion in Christ Jesus.

There are many biblical examples of when our heros of the faith could have felt completely rejected and forgotten about by God.  So don’t get too down–if you can relate, you are in good company; it’s just a part of the process.

So often we stress about trying to control our life. We strive to try and make things happen on our own. We try to be at the right place at the right time. We network in order to make the right connections. We only hire people with an exceptional resume and lots of experience instead of believing in their skills and potential. We want to prove to everyone that we are strong, intelligent, gifted and capable.

We control.

We strive: harder faster and stronger than before.

But none of that is necessary. We don’t need to strive to make things happen. God orchestrates the events in your life. God knows right where you are at all times. He hasn’t forgotten you. He’ll find you when He needs you. He will put you in the right place at the right time. So stop trying so hard and just breathe.

Often times it’s when we lay our dreams down at the feet of Jesus that He picks them back up and hands them to us. Because the truth is, that we can love our dreams more than we love the dream giver.

Moses was called to deliver the Israelites out of slavery. He knew that this was Gods plan even as a young man but instead of waiting on Gods timing he took matters into his own hands; killing an Egyptian who was mistreating a Jewish slave. After that, instead of being accepted by the Israelites as their hero he was rejected by them and fled to a remote desert. He ended up tending sheep in no-mans-land for forty years.

But God had not forgotten him. During that time, God was humbling Moses, pruning Moses. He broke him down so that He could build him back up. He was molding him into a person of character that the Holy Spirit could work through.

Take Joseph for example–he was called to be second in command of Egypt, giving counsel to Pharaoh during a very difficult famine. God gave Joseph that vision when he was just a teen and after he received the vision, he was thrown into a pit by his own brothers. He was sold into slavery, falsely accused and then imprisoned. Probably not what Joseph was expecting after receiving a vision like that from God. But God hadn’t forgotten Joseph or the plans that He had for him. Instead, He allowed these circumstances to happen so that Joseph would be at the right place at the right time and prepared for the task.

Like Moses and Joseph, God has work for you to do. He has a specific purpose for which he created you but so often we want to rush ahead of God and do it right away- before we’re ready for the task and before the task is ready for us. We need to be prepared for the work that God has for us and that takes time and appointed circumstances.

He gives us our vision long beforehand so that we can train and prepare for it.

Your destiny is waiting for you, believe it. God is not finished with you yet!

You may not be able to foresee it in the natural realm but that doesn’t mean that it’s not going to happen.  Joseph wouldn’t have seen it from the jail cell nor would Moses have seen it from the wilderness. But God knew right where they were, He didn’t forget about them and He hasn’t forgotten about you either.